Examine- an internal examination of ones-self; the discipline of exploring the how and what of our actions. This is a tough one for me. I tend to be very self deprecating. If there is a conflict, the first person I blame is myself. Since I have this tenancy, my self examining tends to lean towards me telling myself how terrible I am.
But God... when I focus on God, while examining my heart the view is much different. I am able to see my own fallacies, need for improvement and thoughts. At the same time, he shows me who I am. He lets me know who I serve. He gives me a reason for doing the examination in the first place.
When I focus inwardly, I don't desire to change. When my focus of examine is heavenward, I am propelled toward change.
The second part of the definition is a testing. I was immediately reminded of how James tells us testing will cause us to be more complete, to lack nothing. Oh how I want to lack nothing. In the process of learning not to lack, is the process of giving up.
Testing is difficult. Most people don't choose to walk into a trying time. I would have to say I like to join with the sentiment. I told our pastor's wife that I am not sure I would re-choose the path we had taken if I knew what it looked like. Her response: most people wouldn't.
It affected me profoundly. God doesn't show us the whole picture because it involves a lot of testing, trying and becoming more and more like him. While I can be brave in the moment and say I am glad he choose to test me. I am glad he allows me to grow and change. I hope the next test that comes along I remember what I just told you!
This post based on Velvet Ashes the Grove's word of the week.