My parents were never stoic. Actually I often accuse Nathanael of "not caring" because I grew up with a dad who was willing to cry. In the same moment I am not sure I learned the "art" of grieving. I didn't understand until adulthood that this is something that comes and goes in waves.
In the face of Covid19, I have watched people face things that were unexpected. Grocery store shelves empty, events cancelled, distancing from people they love; all unimagined effects from a pandemic. People on the front lines work, exhausted.
In the beginning, I was "okay" with the happenings. I am an introvert. It didn't feel "stuck". We had to adapt. I finally agreed to offer Revelation Wellness classes online. My kids found minecraft. Nathanael takes time to meticulously interpret the news as it comes out and offer devotions.
Then I hit a wall. I saw people on Facebook complaining about having to look at their parents through a window, when the last time I saw my parents was November 26, Nathanael's this July. This week we couldn't find yogurt. I gave up after 2 stores because it wasn't worth my time looking for something I wasn't sure I could not find.
What is my point? I was hitting a grieving wall. As a family, we have different times that we realize what we have given up; and we deeply miss it. Does this mean we need to leave the field? Is it wrong to feel a loss at these? No and most definitely not.
It is also okay for you to be sad that you can see your parents but not hug them. I can't imagine missing high school graduation.
Today if you need to grieve, give yourself the space to do so. Don't stay in that space complaining. Ask Jesus into that place, see how he comforts you and what he shows you.
This past Friday my grandfather breathed his last breath on earth. Today I honor him by grieving, and reminding you that you have the right (and perhaps need) to grieve as well.