Tuesday, December 17, 2013

I give up

Okay okay I admit it. I've been feeling discouraged.

Life seems big and unmanageable right now.

People have failed my expectations

I have failed my expectations

there is so much to do: with missions, with life, with ministry. Sometimes I feel like it's unending.

Today after feeling very disappointed, I was thinking I give up!  Really this isn't what "i signed up for"

then I realized: I HAD signed up for this. I have been asking God to do above my (our) abilities then try to fulfill them on my own.  How silly!

So today I give up.

20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Eph 3:20-21

Monday, December 9, 2013

with eager anticipation...

It took Nathanael and Glenn a lot of work to print out our letter and brochure. Those are hot off the press and are being handed out/sent in the mail.  There are butterflies in my stomach thinking: this could really happen!

The exciting part is seeing what God will do!  I know on our own strength we just can't come up with the funding needed for our trip. It is exciting and stretching to trust God. That is an "easy" thing to say in this part, the beginning of our journey. Pastor Anita challenged us to pray for that which only God can do. For us, the goal of leaving this summer seems daunting. (in more ways than just getting funding too!)

I have been spending the last month fasting and praying about Belize: for our journey and that God would go before us.  There is much to be done in the physical but the spiritual is also very very important.  Some of the strongholds that I see especially involving men and the sex trade.. I just don't know how to overcome but by prayer and fasting.

Even though I'm not physically there I am working on my Circle of Prayer, surrounding where we will be praying with prayers.  Thus I anticipate the journey: the building of supporters, the joy of seeing people walk with us, and the excitement of seeing what God will do.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

What Do I have to offer?

I have been struggling with the fact that going on missions for 2 years really changes so many lives. We are choosing to leave friends and family who we hold dear.  Our children will be forever "third culture kids" or at least they will be this for a while. I also expect God to change me and those around me.

The change is profound and impacting.  Sometimes I question why am I doing this?

Today I was reminded of an experience I had in Mexico, about 16 years ago.  I was in YES at the time and visiting a very poor family. They were probably the most poor I had known in my short life. Their entire home was in one room.

I was really impacted. What could I give them?  I couldn't give them a better life, or a different house. I didn't have the ability even to give them more food. As I contemplated and prayed over this. I came up with the only answer that made sense.

Jesus. He is really all I have to offer. I can train people, give them language, help them have a better birth; but in the end none of it matters.

I get so caught up in this world. I forget I am an "alien and stranger" here.  There are so many needs and wants that in the end don't matter.

Today I choose to remember that Jesus is all I have to offer and all I need.