One of the hardest things for me about joining EMM has been the budget. Both Nathanael and I have been blessed with jobs that we are able to work more or less dependent on family needs, or dare I say it wants.
The process of the budget and approval has gone through. It is finalized. As I said before the amount in the budget, the bulk of it was determined by EMM. For me it was difficult to look at it and say this is it, this is the limit and it won't change for 2 years. It is hard to have someone else tell you more or less the way to spend your money.
I am thankful. God is stretching me. This budget is actually more than I think I need, but I have no idea what a budget should look like while living in Belize, or even what our daily spending will look like. We still don't have a team leader, there are 2 other positions that need to be filled on our MST. I am being called in a greater way to prayer and trust.
I realize that to see God work, I have to get to the end of "me". Awhile ago I came to the conclusion that I truly function at a "works mentality" with God at times. If I haven't completed what I think should get done, prayed the way I think it should look like, then perhaps I'm not of any worth, or God won't listen to me.
This wrong God wants us to pray with an attitude of expectation, allowing him the divinity that he deserves. If I am only praying for things that I can do, I am not trusting that God is able to fill my every need. I don't have the confidence that he is who he says he is.
I am thankful to him for stretching me. I can't wait to see the things he will do even in this part of the process.