coming to my limits.. to allow God to be God

One of the hardest things for me about joining EMM has been the budget. Both Nathanael and I have been blessed with jobs that we are able to work more or less dependent on family needs, or dare I say it wants.

The process of the budget and approval has gone through. It is finalized. As I said before the amount in the budget, the bulk of it was determined by EMM.  For me it was difficult to look at it and say this is it, this is the limit and it won't change for 2 years. It is hard to have someone else tell you more or less the way to spend your money.

I am thankful. God is stretching me.  This budget is actually more than I think I need, but I have no idea what a budget should look like while living in Belize, or even what our daily spending will look like. We still don't have a team leader, there are 2 other positions that need to be filled on our MST. I am being called in a greater way to prayer and trust.

I realize that to see God work, I have to get to the end of "me". Awhile ago I came to the conclusion that I truly function at a "works mentality" with God at times.  If I haven't completed what I think should get done, prayed the way I think it should look like, then perhaps I'm not of any worth, or God won't listen to me.

This wrong God wants us to pray with an attitude of expectation, allowing him the divinity that he deserves. If I am only praying for things that I can do, I am not trusting that God is able to fill  my every need. I don't have the confidence that he is who he says he  is.

I am thankful to  him for stretching me. I can't wait to see the things he will do even in this part of the process.

it's official and other such stuff

While our support letter is still in the works, we are officially in the "support raising" part of our trip to Belize.  This part is the most uncomfortable for me.  I have already seen that in this process of going, God has stretched me, and I expect that to continue.

I worked at Esperanza, and began to see the value in having supporters. In fact right now,  we support Esperanza every month. For one it causes people to think and pray about you more often.  It brings both parties to their knees; a reminder to the supporter to pray, and the one in need to ask of God and trust his provision.

Giving support also makes you feel involved in something greater than yourself. It is amazing to see what God does with willing people.

Finally over the past few years I have learned that giving generously often involves giving to the point of being uncomfortable.  For the longest time I had the idea that I would give of my "extra". Living in a self centered, materialistic culture has made me think some of my wants are needs. Truth be told, we have been stretched, but always had bread on the table and money to pay the bills

I am doing my best to realize it isn't my job to go out and beg people for money.  I share his vision, he stirs hearts.

Ps the proofs have been sent to the publisher we should have prayer cards soon :)

MST meeting

Last night we had a meeting with our MST. Some members were missing and some positions haven't been filled yet, but we were thankful for the people who came.

It was very encouraging to be surrounded by people who believe in our vision and calling.  People who are excited about standing with us on this journey.

At the same time it was unnerving. We went over and approved the budget.  This is the final step before we start fundraising...a step closer to leaving for Belize.  The most interesting thing about this process for me is nothing was really decided by me: the budget is decided by EMM, the timing is based on the needs in Belize, and when we are able to raise 100% of the budget.

This is a scary process, stepping into the unknown.  It's not just stepping into the unknown for Nathanael and I but our children as well.  By walking into this calling we are forever altering their lives (hopefully for the good)  I do realize that many of the decisions we make, even sometimes lightly do alter their lives, this one just seems "extra big"

Please be praying especially that we find a team leader. This role is so vital, and as the MST coordinator stated, without the roles filled, we are like a bucket with holes in it.

If you are interested in what a MST does or how it works here's a link: http://www.emm.org/mst-tabs

and because I want a good team:

and so our journey begins

Two weeks down the missions road and here's a synopsis of what has happened so far:

• Nathanael has been doing almost all of the legwork, e mailing people talking to people and in general figuring things out
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• We have all members of our MST except for a leader. yes this is a vital role, preferably someone from our church will fill it
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• Nathanael has e mailed initial contacts
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• We have a full job description
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• Nathanael and the people at EMM have been working on finalizing the budget
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• We've looked at some potential houses.. although it is very hard to predict if they will be available when we come down
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• we've been e mailed about our training modules, and Nathanael and I are to find mentors.
• We are working on developing a core team of 14 people who will pray for us regularly

This week we go on much needed much awaited vacation!  :) Hopefully we will come back renewed, refreshed and ready to work!

up at 4am..now it's 7..

Well I prayed last night that God would wake me up. I struggle with getting up in the morning esp when I don't have to go to work. I guess I should have prayed more specifically. I woke up at 4 and couldn't get back to sleep.

Well I realize God is not Santa.  And the fact of the matter is he does answer our prayers.

I am thankful.

This my song for today:

Spring

The importance of Bike tires

Nathanael helped me last week. He said my bike tires were really low. He repaired my tire, actually put a new one on.

My ride to work was much easier than the past few weeks. A tire. That is what the hard work was for. One leaky tire.

On my ride I was really thinking about this. When we keep up the "work" in our own lives: daily prayer and reading the Bible, fellowship with God, the trials come easier.  Otherwise we are working harder for that "tire" Everything is more work, for that one simple tire.

Recently I've felt the call to pray. I have realized that this is of utmost importance, not an afterthought, not a "God please bless this mess I've made"

Ready.....................................Set............................................................GO GO GO!

Friday October 18 has become an important date for our family.  Yesterday Nathanael and I had a meeting with the guy who will be our pastor through EMM.  He was the final step in the process of approval. In august we had a meeting with Darrel and his wife Sherryl.  At that time we  were given "homework", told to go home, and pray about our calling.

I have to admit this process hasn't been "fun" or easy.  There were times I questioned why we even were pursuing it.

Last night I had the opportunity to talk to a woman at work about my story of a calling. It renewed my purpose in it.  That initial moment where God spoke to me directly hasn't changed. Circumstances have. People have failed, but the calling remains as strong as ever.

After a conversation with Darrel, he told us we are approved to continue on to the next stage with EMM.

Let me state that one again: APPROVED.  nothing conditional anymore.

And so our journey, which began quite a while ago, has taken a new turn.  Things seem more final but I am still very anxious.  There is much to do,  and per Nancy, Sulmi, and really our goal; we have 9 months to complete fundraising and training.

Usually the amount we have to raise takes 12-18 months.  I guess we really are starting out expecting God to do awesome things (or for it to take longer for us to get to Belize).

Spring