Friday, May 27, 2016

Who am I??

About 6 months ago, our family movie night was enjoyed by watching Wreck it Ralph.  It follows the story of a "bad guy" in a video game.  No one likes him he must sleep in the dump.  He is tired of this and runs away.  Along his way he meets another renegade, a girl who is rejected in her video game. She isn't even allowed to race in the race of cars with everyone else.

Through a semi lengthy path we discover that the girl Vanellope is actually the head character of the game.  The game is about her.  An evil villain has taken over the game and stolen the other people's memories.  They won't let her race either.  The villain knows if Vanellope actually wins the race, she will re-set the game.   The other characters will remember who she is.  

A few weeks ago I did the Velvet Ashes retreat.  One woman's testimony was all about identity.  She had put it into context of a missionary's life.  Who we are isn't identified by what we do, what pasture we are in or even the job we have.  

This really struck me as I did a lesson this week in Sunday School.  We are still studying the armor of God.  This weeks lesson was on the Sword of the spirit. (God's word!)  

I wrote out "lies" we believe on the ground in chalk.  Some tend to be very personal. We carry them around like a burden, even buying into them as the truth.  The kids took red balloons (representing Jesus blood) and blotted out the lies.  Oh how I wish it was so easy in my own life!  We talked about what verses combat the truth and how the only way we can fight is through God's word.

As we are leaving, thinking about re-entry and our lives beyond Belize (until we come back); who we are is shifting.  We wont be "missionaries" or the gringos.  (actually I have only been called a gringa once and that was from a good friend who couldn't remember my name, so she called me the Gringa that's Nathanael's wife). 

I personally have struggled. While it's mostly my job to handle "publicity" my personal "job" as a missionary is much in the background.  I have been humbled.  Housework takes me so much longer.  Homeschooling takes a long time.  Shopping? Don't even get me started.  I have enjoyed opportunities to get out in the community through interactions like shops, art class, and Sunday school.  Kids Konnect was a breath of fresh air for me, a chance to use my nursing skills.  I have longed for returning to the States and using my nursing skills.  

The truth is none of this brings us value and none of it really should be telling me who I am.  Vanellope?  She discovers in the end she's the princess... the queen of the game.  Me?  I am not always sure who I am.  I don't want my opinion of myself to come from that which surrounds me.  My relationship with Jesus should always be that which brings me my identity. 

The exciting part is I am still on a path of discovery.  Vanellope was able to discover about herself by believing what was placed in her was the truth, not what others told her.  I will also continue to seek truth through changing circumstances. 


  1. Thank you for sharing your experience with us at Velvet Ashes! Our sense of identity is such a powerful concept and you've reminded us that our true identity must always be rooted in the relational aspect of following Jesus. So true!

  2. It is so hard to disconnect our identity from what we DO and Where we are...I wonder why we lose ourselves so easily. I know the answer to that question, but it seems that we'd start getting the hang of finding our identity in Jesus and nothing else - I guess, though, that when at last we truly do, the journey will be over....

  3. Thank you for sharing your heart. I read your Facebook link to velvet ashes 're entry too. Thanks for the advice on how to help you. I'm looking forward to hearing your stories, and I have some funny ones for you too!